Of Kings and Capers
by Optimist Prime
Summary: It all started because the twins suggested one of their strange games. Maybe they didn't guess the...excitement that would ensue. Then again, who can tell with the twins?


_Umm…hey there! I had an inspired idea a few days ago, decided that it would be fun to keep the old 'fanfiction muscles' in shape, and started writing. So…here we are! This is my first Ouran High School Host Club fic…ever. And it'll be the first fanfiction that I've actually uploaded in quite a while. So…be nice to me…?_

_Summary:_

_It was all because the twins suggested one of their strange games. Maybe they didn't guess the…excitement that would ensue. Then again, who can tell with the twins?_

_Currently, I'm just trying to make people laugh. This could turn into a romanticomedy later on, if I ever get the hang of plain old comedy and plain old romance._

"Ne, Haruhi, we should have a Christmas party!"

"_Why_?"

And so began another host club session at Ouran Academy. Or rather, ended. All the female students who were blessed and cursed with free time had already left, and the hosts were all that remained. Fujioka Haruhi was cleaning up the small messes always left behind and being pestered by the Hitachiin twins once again. She didn't mind them, or any of her fellow hosts, but their thought processes were baffling.

It had started when Haruhi was humming some Christmas carol she'd heard from somebody else, about five minutes past. The twins had been sitting all the way on the other side of the room, but they apparently had super hearing. The next thing she knew, Haruhi was swept up by the twins, who immediately suggested one of their favorite things: a party.

Haninozuka Mitsukuni happened to hear this and rejoiced at the very thought. "A party! With _cake_!" Morinozuka Takashi, Hani's stoic protector, didn't share his thoughts on the matter. Ootori Kyoya was apparently indifferent at the moment, wrapped up in his laptop, probably planning the collapse of civilization.

The last one to catch the idea was Suoh Tamaki. He froze for a moment, and suddenly Haruhi found herself swept up once again in a wave of attention from the club's melodramatic 'king'.

"A party! And we could exchange gifts and eat snacks and"—

Suddenly Hikaru and Kaoru's eyes flashed and they exchanged a look of mutual enlightenment. "Lord!" Kaoru called out. Hikaru added, "Staff meeting!" Tamaki stared, so the twins gave up and dragged the members of the club who were actually _male_ into a far corner. Haruhi was left sitting on the floor in the middle of the room with a look of bemusement on her face as she watched her 'friends' whispering in the corner.

Meanwhile, in said far corner, the twins were voicing their newest idea. It was just so exciting that they forgot to whisper.

"Milord," they said in unison. "We've thought of a new game!"

Tamaki's eyes narrowed. "Your games never turn out well. Daddy _objects_."

Hikaru fidgeted slightly. "But you haven't even heard what it is yet." Kaoru added with a sagely nod, "And we haven't even begun with the prize!" They glanced at each other, hiding knowing grins.

Hani rose up and took the bait. "There's a prize? Ooh, I want to know!" he exclaimed, waving his arms with an expression of childish glee. Mori stood behind him, still not letting the world know what went on in his head.

The twins linked arms, as they reveled in the temporary limelight. "Be host club king for a day," they began only to be interrupted by Tamaki's scornful scoff: "I'm already king here," he declared. Kaoru shook his finger admonishingly at the 'king'. "You didn't let us finish!" he said.

Simultaneously, both Hitachiins turned to point at Haruhi. "And an uninterrupted day with Haruhi. Plus the pride factor." They shrugged. "But it's not like we care if we get a day with her or not," Hikaru said. "After all," he and Kaoru added. "We're still in her class."

Needless to say, this pushed Tamaki right over the edge. "_What's the game?_" he demanded, eyes flashing. Kaoru and Hikaru smirked, stroking their chins.

"That's the way to go!" they cheered. "The 'Who Can Give the Best Gift' Game!" Kaoru continued, "We'll have a party to exchange gifts, and whoever gives Haruhi the best gift will be host club king for a day…" Hikaru picked up, "And be allowed to spend an uninterrupted day with her!"

Tamaki's eyes sparkled. In comparison with the usual ideas the Hitachiin twins came up with, this game was perfect! They would lavish gifts on daddy's darling Haruhi! What was not to like?

Tamaki was off in his own world already, planning the perfect date, the perfect gift, the perfect scenario. Kyoya shrugged. "I suppose that, what with the winter break coming up," he said indifferently, "things might be rather _boring…_" Hani jumped up and down. "A party, and presents, and cake!" he rejoiced. "Takashi, will you come with me and buy gifts for everybody?" The blonde turned huge gleaming eyes towards his protector, who responded, "Yeah."

The twins faced each other and flashed a thumbs-up. It would be the best game yet.

On the other side of the room, Haruhi glared at her friends through narrowed eyes. "Can't you at least _ask_ before auctioning off my time?" she demanded of the twins. "Unlike you, I have things to do! Shopping, and cleaning, and _laundry_!" The twins dismissed her protestations with a dismissive hand-wave. "It'll be taken care of!" they chorused.

The party was more or less mapped out within the next five or so minutes: Saturday would be devoted to shopping for gifts, and the actual party would be Sunday. The winner's day of kingship and date with Haruhi would be chosen at his discretion.

When everybody split for the remainder of the afternoon, Haruhi went home with a headache. Luckily, it was Friday. She had _one whole day_ to recover after yet another trying Host Club session. Haruhi wouldn't tell her friends, but she'd already gotten them each a small gift. She'd wondered as she shopped what the purpose of this was; chances were that these rich bastards already had everything they could possibly want, and anything they didn't have could just be bought. Ugh…

The next morning, in a manor not too far away, Tamaki was rushing through his morning preparations. There was no chance he'd let those twins beat him; neither could be allowed to spend a day with Haruhi! Who knew what might happen to his precious daughter? (Tamaki conveniently forgot the trip to the pension where Haruhi had once worked part-time. His inner-mind theater was already cranking out images of a splendid day well spent with Haruhi.)

As Tamaki rushed out the door, a nearby maid called, "Suoh-sama?" Tamaki turned, slightly impatient at this interruption. "Yes?" he responded, not entirely curt with her. The maid bowed her head slightly, handing Tamaki…his cell phone and a pair of pants. Tamaki was completely nonplussed. "What…?"

The maid pointed. "We wouldn't want you to miss a call," she began. "And there might be an uproar if the general public were to see you in your boxers, Suoh-sama." She looked up to see a Tamaki-shaped dust cloud, and found that the pants and cell phone she'd been carrying were nowhere to be seen. The maid returned to her work with a small smile on her face. Suoh-sama was always handsome, even and _especially_ in his boxers.

About five minutes later, Tamaki was fully dressed and ready to go out shopping. He supposed he was obligated to purchase gifts for all of his companions, not just Haruhi. It was a good thing the blonde had all day to use. Now, the only question was…where to shop?

At another manor, not too far away, the brothers Hitachiin rolled out of bed and drowsily made their way through the morning routine. They only really woke up around the time the pancakes were served…with coffee. After that, the two managed to really wake up and get down to business: today, they were shopping. It would be like…an experiment.

The two would be doing most of their shopping together, as was customary. If things happened in a certain way, they'd probably be finding presents for Haruhi together as well, but the presents bought for the host club's one female member were meant to be kept secret. Then again…the twins were sons of a designer. Who said their presents would be _bought_?

While the twins were picking out outfits for their favorite plaything, Kyoya was accepting the gifts he'd ordered with a cordial smile. He wasn't a morning person until he'd had a little time to actually get moving. His dear elder sister had _helped_ this process along. Now Kyoya was taking the gifts he'd ordered beforehand, thanking the postal worker privileged enough to meet 'such a nice young man', and going back inside to sleep…again.

Hani, whose morning mood tended towards the unpredictable, was just wrapping up breakfast when Mori entered the room. The blonde's face split into a wide smile; he was always glad to see his cousin!

"Takashi! Are we going to go shopping?" he cried, clutching his Bun-bun in absolute delight. Mori smiled softly and nodded. "Yeah," he replied. He allowed his charge to wriggle caterpillar-style up onto his shoulders before setting out to find whatever could be found for the ones these students considered as close friends.

It wasn't until rather later in the morning that Haruhi stumbled into the kitchen to prepare herself breakfast and contemplate the chores of the day. There was the laundry to be done, and she needed to go shopping _yet again_. Her dad wouldn't be home for quite a long while; he'd woken her up very briefly to inform her that he'd be busy all day. Half asleep, Haruhi had replied that this was nothing new, and she could take care of things. With a sigh, she cleaned the dishes she'd dirtied and set about her tasks, avoiding any place where she might even possibly encounter any of the members of the Host Club. This was not hard.

The day passed at varying speeds for the Host Club, but evening finally rolled around. One by one, each student fell into his or her own bed with a deep sigh.

For Haruhi, Sunday morning arrived like an unwanted houseguest. Actually, it arrived as several unwanted houseguests. Haruhi was woken by a knock on her door. Groggily, the girl rolled out of bed and answered the door. Outside, like some nightmare come true, were the six members of the Host Club. And several onlookers on street level, goggling at a shiny black limo.

Haruhi immediately realized that she was still in her pajamas, and her eyes widened. "Don't come in!" she cried, and slammed the door. The boys looked at each other for a minute, silently wondering what they'd done this time. It didn't take long for the door to reopen. Haruhi was standing there in normal clothes, wearing a smile so fake that it hurt to even look. Through gritted teeth, she asked, "Why are you all _here_? I'd assumed that we'd be having such a party somewhere…larger."

Hikaru and Kaoru shook their heads. "Nope! If we did it anywhere else, our parents would wonder," Kaoru explained. Clearly, this wasn't the actual reason, because Haruhi guessed that nobody would care one way or another where the party was held. They just really liked coming over to _her house_ for some reason. Hikaru said, in as delicate a tone as he could manage, "So…sorry to barge in…?" At this, Haruhi remembered her manners and stepped out of the doorway. She pretended not to notice Tamaki attacking Hikaru. "That's so impolite!" he whisper-screamed. Haruhi tuned out the rest of his ranting. This happened _all the time._

Inside, sitting around the low table, Haruhi realized something.

"We only just fit around this table under normal circumstances!" she raved quietly. "With presents, we're hardly even going to fit in the room!" Her 'friends' waved away these protestations just like all the others, except for Tamaki, who clasped Haruhi's hand and gushed, "Daughter, you needn't be embarrassed by such trivialities! We know that you're poor…"

At this point, Hani and the twins tackled Tamaki, correctly believing that all the 'king' was managing to do was stick his foot further and further into his mouth.

_End first chapter_

_So…review and tell me what you thought of it? I'd really appreciate suggestions and such. Like I said, this is my first Ouran fic, so I could use all the help you guys are willing to give me. Thanks!_

_If I write a second chapter, it should hopefully be up before Christmas. Or maybe on Christmas…ahaha…_


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